FIVE QUESTIONS WITH DANNY KALLAS

Danny Kallas is, well, awesome.  He helps run a show called Comedians You Should Know cuz you should know him.  The Starlets love the hell outta him. Ask him about his “Best Fuckin’ Friend”. Check Danny out on Facebook and Follow him on Twitter.

dannykallasWR: From your Twitter feed, seems like you watch a lot of television. What’s the worst show or movie that you’re addicted to?

DK: Maury Povich. Most people say it’s horrible. I say it’s the only reason I have any desire to wake up before 1 PM.

WR: Why are so many comedian websites “under construction”?

DK: “Under construction” is comedian speak for “Currently in the process of finding someone who will do this for free.”

WR: What topics are off limits for you on stage?

DK: Really, I can’t think of any. The most taboo topics can be funny if in the right hands and most comedians who say you can’t talk about certain topics are hypocrites; however, the one thing I try my best to stay away from is talking about someone in my personal life on stage in a way that will hurt their feelings. What I’ll usually do is combine two or three people into one character or parts of story to make one story. If I think it’s just too good not to tell on stage or in another public forum, I will run it past them. For instance, I contacted the person involved in the answer to my next question to see if it was OK for me to use her name.

WR: What’s the cutest name you’ve ever called a lover?

DK: Well, it’s a strange thing for me because I call my little sister “Baby” and my niece “Beautiful” so those are definitely ones I stay away from for a variety of reasons. There is a song by The Beatles named “Rocky Raccoon” and there is a girl in the song named Nancy. I used to see a woman named Nancy who has a son named Rocco and while we were seeing each other, I heard “Rocky Raccoon” and thought of her and Rocco. As I listened again, I noticed the song is about Rocky seeking revenge on his rival for stealing his girl. Rocky’s girl was Nancy. Rocky’s rival’s name? Daniel (my name). The whole reason Rocky and Daniel were rivals was because Daniel stole Nancy from Rocky.

All the names matched so closely that every time I went back and listened to the song, I envisioned that song being about Rocco (Rocky) and me (Daniel) fighting over Nancy. I even had nightmares that her kid hated me and wanted to kill me for spending even the smallest amount of time with his mother.

Anyway, in the song, it’s explained how Nancy got her name: “Her name is Magill and she calls herself Lill, but everyone knew her as Nancy.” So once I got past the fact that the names in the song were similar and just that and that a three-year-old kid did not want to end my life, I started calling Nancy “Magill”. It was just too perfect to not do so.

She dumped me an hour later.

WR: What’s the worst thing someone has called you? Was it accurate?

DK: Well, before I tell this story, you need to know that I grew up with a kid named Joey whose home phone number was only one number off from mine. So when I was 11 years old, a girl who I had a big crush on called my house.

I picked up the phone, “Yellow?” (You know? Because it was 1992, I was 11, and thought saying that was hysterical.)

Her: “Joey?”

Me: “Oh hey, LaQuesedilla!” (Not her real name, but I wish it was.) “No, this isn’t Joey. It’s Danny.”

Her: “Oh, I’m sorry. I meant to call Joey.” [hangs up]

Oh by the way, it was my birthday. I still haven’t gotten over that incident with LaQuesedilla. So yeah, while I like the name Joey, it’s the worst thing I’ve ever been called.

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